Kirk Longmire, Troy Broussard, & Kristy Phillips toasting on a yacht in Puerto Vallarta.

Paraphrasing Carly Simon, I walked into the party like I was walking onto a yacht… and I was walking onto a yacht! It was a party too. TroysArt readers know that I recently spent time on the west coast of Mexico and this as promised is the second of two posts about the adventure (see: TroysArt – Our swank soiree in Sayulita) specifically dedicated to the art of yachting Puerto Vallarta.

But first a refresher of our cast of characters. We were all guests of Rob Taylor and Kristy Phillips celebrating Rob’s birthday in Sayulita. Also present were Rob’s son Trey Taylor and his girlfriend Elizabeth; Rob’s daughter Lacy Taylor and her boyfriend Scott Tukel; Bob & Cheryl Jones; CJ Athanasuleas; Bruce & Stephanie Prichard; Carlos & Maribel Rueda; Kirk Longmire; Robert SoRelle; and Krista Shamaly. (I should mention that present for the soirée but not aboard were Scott & Barbie Benz and Raj Kalra—Scott & Barbie headed for the airport and we suspected lady’s man Raj of turning La Gran Villa into the Playboy Mansion.)

All aboard!

The Elisa, Puerto Vallarta.

Rob rented the Elisa. Though I am unsure of how long the boat is I will say that it is bigger than it looks. Three stories, the main floor consists of a deck with living room, dining room, and galley; downstairs are a few staterooms, bathrooms, and crew quarters; upstairs is a deck.

All aboard and all shoes off! The yacht is a barefoot zone.

The crew loaded champagne and other assorted beer & beverages as the revelers situated themselves. Rob got started right away directing the galley mate in making guacamole while, still a bit delicate from the night before, Mr. SoRelle appropriated the biggest stateroom for a nap.

Hold my champagne…

Kirk Longmire.

I joined Kristy, Lacy, Scott, Krista, Kirk, and Kirk’s designer pickle pincher on the front deck. As we left the dock Lacy slathered Scott down with sunscreen; he was crawfish red on the spots he had missed the days before. Kirk thought she should capitalize and write advertisers with sunscreen. It was then I found out about his unfortunate childhood nickname—Feta. He might be a Ben Affleck look-alike but he is white as goat cheese.

People in other boats cheered as we headed into open water.

Cheryl, dripping in jewelry, wearing a billowing Emilio Pucci jumpsuit, with champagne in hand, joined us on the front deck. She looked at me and said, “Hold my champagne so I can take off my pants.”

The front deck fell into hysterics.

I took the champagne and replied, “From now on that’s got to be my come-on line.”

Cheryl had inadvertently delivered the line of the trip—possibly of the century.

Puerto Vallarta

Church of Our Lady of Guadalupe by Another Believer (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons.

Our boat passed miles of picturesque cityscape. Lacy pointed out the various parts of the city as we passed them. I saw the most beautiful crown atop a cathedral which I learned was the famous Church of Our Lady of Guadalupe.

Down the coast on the edge of a secluded jungle Kristy pointed out the villa belonging to Joe Francis—she had once had a birthday party there. We shifted position so we could see the estate and squinted to see who was around the pool.

She suggested, “It could be the Kardashians.”

“No, those aren’t Kardashians,” Kirk quipped. “You’d smell ‘em.”

Come on Kristy, JUMP!

Scott Tukel & Lacy Taylor in Puerto Vallarta.

For months Kristy talked about jumping off into the ocean. The boat stopped in a cluster of rocky islands which is a popular area for sightseeing and snorkeling. It is the place where Kristy would make her diving debut.

Meanwhile, Rob was in the living room with a cocktail, getting a leg massage.

I headed down to the master stateroom to stow my jewelry and to retrieve Mr. SoRelle—I thought that jumping into the sea would perk him up a bit.  When I got back on deck people had already jumped.

Bob, who is probably 70, precariously climbed onto a ledge. The deck hands rushed over; I expected them to say, “No no senor!” But instead they hoisted him onto the railing and practically pushed him overboard. It was yet another example how Mexicans don’t care if you die on vacation.

We were all in the water waiting for the hostess yelling “Jump, Kristy!” And in her defense it is higher than it looks from the upper deck. But the most excited one of us to jump off a boat got cold feet. Guys in a boat nearby were yelling too, cameras ready for the hot bikini blonde on a yacht to jump.  We joked about being waterlogged by the time she found her courage but she finally held her nose and took the plunge.

Robert SoRelle cheers from below as Kristy Phillips executes a perfect No No Diablo in Puerto Vallarta.

Then she got back aboard and went off again.

We swam for a while watching our friends jump. Trey and Elizabeth tried snorkeling.

But back on deck as the sun dried us we harassed Kristy about her cold feet. She defended herself saying that she felt like a daredevil and asked, “How do you say daredevil in Spanish?”

Krista said, “I know that devil is diablo.”

And I chimed in that a dare would be like “No no, senor!”

That is how the term for Kristy’s yacht dive was born; she had executed a flawless No No Diablo.

Land Ho

Playa las Animas is a secluded beach village on the south side of Banderas Bay that is only accessible by boat. Known for its gorgeous sand the beach is lined with a handful of restaurants and clubs. A water taxi was waiting for Elisa to anchor and only six of us decided to go ashore: Lacy, Scott, Bruce, Stephanie, Kirk, and myself.

Lacy looked at me and said, “I can’t imagine staying on the boat over a chance to go to a place I’ve never seen before.”

My sentiments exactly.

Playa las Animas.

We ensconced ourselves on the upper deck of a beach club restaurant ordering margaritas and a seafood platter to share and one for the boat. And there were a few things we did not expect to happen. We did not expect for the seafood platters to take over an hour to prepare and we did not expect for a serious storm to whip up. Torrential rain fell as huge waves rocked the boats.

We ordered more drinks. Bruce regaled us with tales of the WWE and Lacy put an iguana on my head, you know, like any typical Sunday afternoon.

As time passed Bruce made the observation, “Thank goodness Lacy is with us or the people on the boat would kill us.”

That’s when Kirk proclaimed Lacy as our golden ticket!

We ordered more drinks.

But the food never arrived. The captain radioed in and had our order delivered to the yacht. Those poor boat people must have been starving.

So when the weather let up we taxied back. And once aboard we found out why the platters took more than an hour to prepare. They were 24” in diameter and piled with fresh lobster, fried shrimp, barbeque snapper, fried fish, barbeque octopus, roasted scallops… everything but sea turtle. It was the feast of Neptune.

The Perfect Day!

It continued to drizzle as the yacht barreled toward the harbor. We wanted the sun but the storm probably saved us all from looking like apple fritters by the end of the day.

In the midst of a champagne toast with Kristy a pod of dolphins picked us up. We started cheering like idiots and called everyone out onto the back deck. They leapt and rolled in the wake, a few of them flipping completely out of the water until finally we outran them. It was magnificent.

And I must add that the crew of the Elisa were fantastic.  They were friendly, fun, and attentive–a champagne glass was never dry.

Photo credits herewith, except for the church, are courtesy of Kirk and Krista’s phones. Maribel was like the official tour photographer and seemingly took millions of pictures. They are probably professional quality too. But she cannot distribute any until they are approved by Kristy, of course.

So as I conclude I must once again attest to one of the most impressive accomplishments, the organization of such a quality assemblage.   As said previously, it is hard enough to get a handful of friends together for dinner without drama; but how twenty people from different backgrounds and from different stages in life blended into such a formidable social entity in a foreign country is a true testament to the host & hostess, Rob & Kristy.

Anthems to Rob & Kristy for the perfect day!

Visit Puerto Vallarta

Playa las Animas